Gardens are not for controlling

There was a big storm last night. Through the open curtains I saw the arms of the eucalyptus trees thrashing in the wind. The house shook and I heard the outdoor furniture being blown across the deck.

In the past, during a storm, my thoughts would turn to the garden. Had I staked the lilies? If I had, were they withstanding this wind? Would I find them lying on the ground in the morning? What about the roses? Had I tied the climbers back properly or would they all have come away from their walls?

Asiatic lilies are a yardstick by which I can measure the changes. They grow to above my head. Their height, combined with our usual spring winds means to stay standing, they need to be staked. 

I used to stake the lilies. Sometimes I planned to stake them but never got to it. I'd look at them after they'd fallen and beat myself up for forgetting to do it. Even if I had staked them, I'd still worry about them in the wind. I'd check on them, and sigh if I the stakes hadn't been strong enough and think I should have done better.... on and on it went. 

It was driven by this idea of garden perfection, by fantasies of a garden that matched those I saw in magazines. The whole thing was actually driving me mad.

At some point - maybe two years ago - I didn't stake the lilies, didn't think about staking the lilies, and didn't give the lilies a second thought in the wind. 

The thing about lilies is that even if they fall, they just keep growing. From their new horizontal position, they just start to grow up again. They still bloom, but now the flowers are down low instead of up high. Lilies are lovely to have in the garden, but they aren't something to worry about. 

My change in attitude toward them is a measure of that more fundamental change. Everything gets to do its thing. We are not in charge. Gardens don't need to be about controlling, cajoling or carroling. It's all beautiful, weather-beaten or not.